If you have gone through a divorce or separation with children, it is quite likely that there is a sharing system, more or less flexible, for the children’s vacations. Thus, the divorce agreement usually contemplates what periods the children will stay with each parent, what communication regime should be established during those periods… However, our experience shows us that, with the arrival of summer, conflicts are triggered. That is why in this post we want to review some tips and tricks to negotiate the children’s vacations in case of divorce.
How to negotiate children’s vacations in case of divorce or separation
Despite the fact that during a divorce or separation, measures are taken regarding vacations and children, the truth is that conflicts continue to occur year after year: the choice of dates, the communication regime, the type of destination or plans for the children, the publication of photographs on networks…..
are some of the points of conflict.
Working hours and the general difficulty in coordinating vacation dates with those of the other parent have a lot to do with these problems, as well as the difficulties that thousands of families have in finding a place to leave the children during the summer while the parents have to continue with their work.
As a result, logistical problems can also arise during non-holiday periods for the parents but no school for the children. Grandparents and other relatives, summer camps, morning or afternoon activities… are often the ‘lifelines’ in these cases.
The starting point is set by your divorce or separation agreement or your divorce or separation decree, which will be the rule to be applied to decide on vacations.
If its content has ceased to work for you, it may be time to renegotiate its terms (preferably, amicably).
If there is no other choice, you can initiate a procedure for modification of measures. Summer vacation is most commonly understood as the period when children do not have school, between June and September. Also that in the regulatory agreement or in the sentence a weekly, fortnightly or monthly distribution is fixed, although any formula that works for you will be valid, as long as it does not go against the law.
For example, it is frequent (and simpler) a weekly division of the vacations when there is a shared custody that is executed weekly.
The fortnightly division, on the other hand, is usually the result of dividing the months of July and August into four fortnights, alternating periods.
If the division is monthly, one parent can have the children during July and the other during August, for example.
During the single days in June and September, the usual custody regime usually applies.
Although each family is different, a regime that allows both parents to have contact with the children every few days is usually recommended, so a weekly division could be, a priori, the most appropriate, although sometimes it is not the most practical.
When opting for a fortnightly or monthly arrangement (for example, for a long trip abroad), maintaining fluid communication with the other parent is important for the stability of the children and, as the person responsible for this when your children are with you, you should try to ensure that communication is fluid.
Tips for children’s summer vacations
In any case, we recommend you to follow these guidelines:
- We insist that communication is key, both between parents and between parents and children.
Make sure that your children talk to the other parent, complying with the agreement and the wishes of the children. - Avoid conflict and choose negotiation. To do so, leave aside possible belligerent attitudes and try to communicate your opinion and needs in an assertive way.
In our office we are very much in favor of therapy as a formula to achieve good communication between all family members. - The children come first: keep this in mind and appreciate that this is about making sure they enjoy their summer, not about ‘winning’ any battles with your ex-partner.
- Adapt. If it is easier for you to choose vacation periods (for example, if you are self-employed) or if you can more easily take care of the children at times when the other parent does not have time or resources, try to build and nurture a good relationship by making things easier.
- Remember: it’s not about winning, it’s about ensuring the well-being of your children.
Seeing you negotiate in a positive way will set a great example for them and turn them into responsible, caring adults.
- Remember: it’s not about winning, it’s about ensuring the well-being of your children.
- The formulas that state that each year one parent gets to choose the vacation period first are fair a priori, but it may be that reality advises to follow a different path.
If so, don’t insist on following every rule to the letter: flexibility will be good for everyone and will help you build your own rules and rules of negotiation. - Conflict will only make things worse: avoid escalating the conflict and having it end up before a judge, as this will only slow down the solution and entrench the problem.
There are cases in which there is no choice but to turn to a third party to make a decision where the parties cannot reach it on their own, but it is common to achieve better (and more lasting) results by using words. - It facilitates the visitation regime during the summer, when it exists, and facilitates the peace of mind of the other parent by sending photos, videos, audios… Nowadays it is very easy to communicate in real time and in a close and visual way wherever we are.
However, it is also important to set limits so that calls do not become constant and interrupt the children’s rest.
If you need help in any matter related to Family Law in Catalonia, consult our team of lawyers.
